Cigarette Daydream
by heartbreakersworth
Summary: "I want him. Need him, but I'd run at the mere sight of him. I'm the pathetic one, I always have been."


Getting him out of my head was proving to be a challenge that no part of me wanted to accept. For God's sake, I stopped the goddamn car because I was swerving, unable to focus on the road. Everything reminded me of him, from the lingering scent still on the scarf I'd been lended long ago, but always refused to give back, to the blackness of the night, how I'd bury myself in his midnight-colored hair which more often than not gave off an intoxicating scent, one that always brought me to his lips, which were usually swollen either from my constant kisses or biting, but they were always a deep shade of red. Either way, I always saw stars, whenever I was with him.

Red. Just like this fucking scarf. Everything, every little detail about him drove me insane. He's made his way under my skin, which is what I was always so afraid of. My skin, the way it sparked whenever he'd touch it, even if it was through layers of clothes, I always felt a shiver. Slamming my head against the wheel, stifling a grunt from frustration at my own distracting thoughts, I scanned the area. A bunch of nothing but a small gas station and houses with darkened windows. I pulled the scarf over my face, as my breath was beginning to show from the cold. My car's heat shut off on it's own accord, not like I needed it. I was probably radiating enough heat to keep Alaska warm. My eyes flickered up to a traffic light that was changing colors slowly, and I watched for a bit, hearing the clicking. Yeah, it was so vacant that you could hear the clicking of the traffic light.

I'm not sure if the emptiness crept up on me or something, but my first thought was to check my phone. Before I could even get a glimpse of the screen though, the circle of death came up, telling me that my phone was dead.

"For fuck's sake…" I muttered, tossing it into the passenger's seat.

Wonderful. Now I'm in a ghost town with no contact to anyone. I looked up when I thought I heard tapping on my window, only to figure out that it was rain, and not just any casual rain, it was a mighty fucking downpour. Rain. I smiled to myself, the memories of that night coming back to me in a whoosh. How the sensation of kissing him back felt for the first time. Good weird was an understatement now. Good weird was describing how I felt about him. Being so close to him now almost made me forget about then, how his walls came crumbling down—or at least, some—how he was able to tell me about his past pain. It took me a long while to come around, but the thought of actually losing him terrified me. More than loving him. Trusting in him wasn't easy, 'specially when the only thought in the back of my mind was running, him running, more than me, but I always found my way back to him. And him to me.

And now, I'm sort of stranded. Running from the thing I care about the most. Stranded in a ghost town. Seems poetic in a way, but inconvenient, and extremely stupid. He's probably worried sick. I got out of the car, stepping onto the sidewalk. The gas station was still lit up which was at least a good sign, it couldn't be late. The payphone next to it was covered in words scribbled from sharpies, nearly tilted off the hook was how the phone lied. When I heard a dial tone, I immediately dialed Tristan's number, knowing that he was the only one I could talk to right now. Not because of my family or anything, but because I was losing my mind, and knowing him, so was he.

"Tristan?" I perked up after the first two rings.

"Miles?" He said groggily, then he immediately lightened. "Miles!"

"Yeah, hi. I'm calling from a payphone." The rain was cold against my head, but I could barely feel it soaking me. Hearing Tristan's voice made me basically forget my surroundings.

"Where are you? Why'd you leave?" His voice coldened a bit, making me shiver. I pretended I didn't notice though.

"I don't know. I've been driving since about 2, I don't know what time it is."

"…You could've ended up in Vegas by then. Why? Why'd you leave?"

"I got into another fight with my dad." It wasn't a complete lie, we had gotten pretty heated the night before I'd decided to take off, but he wasn't anywhere near the full reason. I left because I was running from him. I'd stopped staying with my dad a long while ago, and was now house-jumping from Tristan's to my grandmother's. Either way, I knew he was why I left. I'd fallen for him a while ago without even realizing it, but when it hit me, it hit hard, like a wall had fallen or something and that wall made me want to stay forever, and that scared the crap out of me. Commitment. Full trust. Fuck. It's only been about 3 years that we've known each other and 2 of those years we spent together. Dating, breaking it off, awkwardly trying to hide our jealously when other people would waltz in and coming back together in the end, and honestly, they've been the most enjoyable years ever, because in the end, I ended up with him.

"Do you have a place to stay?" Tristan muttered. "Where are you?"

"A Hess station on Keane Ave." I blanked for a moment before asking "Why?"

"I'm coming to find you." Before I could even speak, let alone object, the line went dead. A smile washed over my face. Not exactly one from complete relief, but fear also. Facing him was something I'd been deliberately avoiding. Ducking whenever I saw him, dodging his calls, hell, he'd probably have my head on a plate if he saw me. I bit my lip as I let the rain soak me, slowly walking over to the car. I started it, only to back it into the gas station, the needle pointing to past empty. Now I'm stuck here. I reclined my chair, searching my pockets for a joint. For once, the rich kid was caught on the one day he had no money, coincidentally the same day he had decided to run from who he loves. I gave up searching after about five minutes, grunting in disappointment, I threw my winter coat over me in an attempt to keep warm. As much as I wanted to run from Tristan, and what he means to me, all I really want is him here, snuggling into me, burying his face in the crook of my neck, warming me as he presses feather-light kisses to my shivering skin. I want him. Need him, but I'd run at the mere sight of him. I'm the pathetic one, I always have been.

* * *

I awoke to the sunrise, or really, the asscrack of dawn. A familiar car came speeding down the road, and before I even had a chance to register who was inside, electric blue eyes, filled with a mix of happiness, rage and love were bounding towards me as the car skidded to a slow stop. I don't know what drove me to it, it wasn't even fully me, but my tall legs were moving quickly, nearly slipping on each puddle my feet came in contact with. I didn't want to run, but my mind and body were not aligned. I came to an abrupt stop when a hand grabbed at my scarf and spun me around.

"Are you just going to leave me dangling? Keep avoiding me? I can't just come flying to your rescue every time you lose it!" His voice was harsh and angry, and he had every right to be angry at me. I was—am being shitty. I sighed, not letting my eyes leave the cement. He deserves an explanation.

"I'm sorry—"

"Sorry? For going disappearing the entire week, and then dodging my every attempt to talk to you?!" He half-shouted, his voice climbing with each word.

I pursed my lips, looking up at him. "And lying…" I added under my breath.

"I was worried sick."

"I know, and—"

"Why?" The question came so fast that I barely heard it. "Why'd you end up here? I know it wasn't because of your dad, don't you dare lie to me, again." He hissed, his tone warning.

"I… was…" I stuttered trying to find the right words. A sting in my legs, a rush of adrenaline was telling me I could still run, but Tristan may not be there to chase me this time. I dug this hole for myself. Instead, I swayed a bit closer, and smirked when he didn't pull away. "running from you."

"Wha-"

"Because you do this stupid thing to me. You get inside my head, distract me, make me want to tear myself apart. You bring out the selfless part of me, the part that I deny I even have, the part that you make me recognize I do. You drive me up a wall with every little thing, every little detail, and I can't forget you. I can't run from you. Leaving you is like I'm losing a part of me, the part that keeps me sane, and I'm terrified of that feeling, of wanting to be with you forever. Because I'm going to wake up one day and you'll be long gone, and I'll have to deal with the bitter pain of losing someone I really trusted."

"Miles…" His face softened, but his body was still stiff with tension. I inched closer, cupping his cheek with my hand. There was no turning back, I needed to stop running.

"I love you, and it terrifies me." I said, staring into his blue eyes. Mine were probably pooling with stupid tears from all the emotion, ones that I really wish I could stop, but I didn't. He swatted at my arm softly.

"Then how about you don't scare the absolute crap out of me, because, perhaps, I love you too?" He pressed his head into my touch, his eyes finding mine once more. I brought our lips together in a soft, tender kiss, snaking an arm around his waist as his hands found my neck. I could breathe him in, feel that tingling sensation on my skin, taste him, and I wondered how I ever thought I could go on without feeling this. So right.

* * *

"Did you actually get into a fight with him?" I looked over at him as I brought the car to a stop at a traffic light.

"Yeah, but nothing really happened, just a lot of yelling. No fists were thrown, and I'm alright." I shrugged, answering truthfully. He let out a small sigh of relief, probably betting I couldn't hear. I reached over for his hand, but he jerked it away.

"I'm still mad, you know. You really scared the shit out of me."

I nodded, sighing as I placed my hand back on the wheel. He did lean his head against my shoulder, said he was "watching the road." I gave myself a knowing smirk as I sped on, kissing the top of his head.

"It won't happen again."

"Damn straight it won't. I'm not letting you leave my side."

"What?"

"You're staying over. For the week, maybe for the month. I don't care how long, you're just staying with me." I felt a bit overprotected. I was sure as hell not ready for this, but was never so excited to not be ready for something, because this time I wasn't running.

"Just… promise me one thing?" I requested.

"What's that?"

"Don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere, alright?" He smiled, and I believed him wholeheartedly.

* * *

**idk: whooo, okay this would be called procrastination. I said I'd fix the last bloody chapter of shockwaves, never did, then I said I'd continue my OUAT fic, it's been a week and still nothing, but this was cute as hell (a cute hell, but I will bring hell eventually.) ugh I feel stupid. I originally posted this on tumblweeds (It's from tumblr) and never moved it here.**


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